Reality Check Counseling

Abusers are commonly VERY controlling and usually struggle with an underlying anxiety related to abandonment. In an ironic strategy, they hold  their partners hostage through threats and intimidation, as opposed to keeping them engaged through kindness and compassion. They often do not believe anyone would "choose" to be in a relationship with them, unless that person were too stupid to know better. Victims in these relationships are placed in a position of either being treated like helpless idiots who do not have the intelligence or strength to leave...or of living with the constrant threats and intimidation tactics that keep the abuser feeling confident the victim will stay.

Abusers very often use children as weapons in their battle for control. They understand the connection a mother has to her children, even though the abuser may not have ever experienced that, for themselves. They use a mother's fear to control her. Even children understand that they are a pawn in these situations and often develop an attitude of condemnation toward the victim parent. They see this parent as weak and incompetent. This makes it very difficult to escape WITH the child, because the child's perception is so skewed by the abuse dynamic of the family.