Reality Check Counseling

My husband thinks I'm "spoiling" our disabled 2 year old son.

Contrary to popular belief, it is almost impossible to "spoil" an infant. The more attentive you are in these developmental years, the less attention they will need as they get older.

"Spoil" is such a negative term. Are you going to throw him out, if he gets too spoiled? I wish our culture didn't say that word, at all. However, given that we do, here would be some things to consider. If your hubby is upset because you love on him too much, tell him to get over it. Maybe he's just jealous. However, if he is frustrated because you treat the child like he can do no wrong, you might want to turn that around. Children need boundaries. Without clear expectations and consequences for not meeting those, children do not learn to be accountable. Ironically, children who are not corrected by their parents and provided with structure, rules and consequences tend to have much lower self esteem than those who are raised in a more regulated environment. Part of what builds our sense of self is our ability to achieve goals and accomplish assigned tasks. If you don't teach him that he has to live within the structure of certain rules, he will receive negative feedback from everyone except you. That will cause him to doubt himself AND you.

It is perfectly acceptable to comfort him and love on him and appreciate him...but your job is to teach him how to be a successful adult. To do that, you have to be willing to hold him accountable, even when it is uncomfortable. Just like you helped him through his early difficulties. You did what was best for him, because you love him and knew it was what he needed, not what he wanted. That is what parents are for.