Reality Check Counseling

Spanking is a common form of discipline in families where parents have the inability or unwillingness to engage in more effective forms of discipline. Research has shown that spanking is not an effective way to mold a child's behavior, because it is a temporary solution to a long term problem.

Spanking makes the parent feel better, temporarily. Most parents who spank do so impulsively, in order to gain immediate control. It is also a behavior parents do when a child frightens them with their behavior (like refusing to stop doing something dangerous). Still, it is about a parent gaining immediate control over the child...not about teaching.

Teaching doesn't happen immediately. It is a gradual process. It is harder. It takes more time. It is an investment, not a form of immediate gratification. Teaching is what parents are supposed to do. We are supposed to teach our children how to be productive adults. Hitting may scare them into behaving right now...but it does not teach them to do so, once they are too old, too big or too far away to spank.

Another problem with spanking is that a child does not develop a sense of responsibility for changing their own behavior. If you tell a child they cannot watch television until they demonstrate the ability to do their chores and not abuse the privilege of watching TV instead, it becomes up to them to make that behavior a reality. You are simply providing the structure. When you spank, there is no "thinking" involved. They don't make a decision to change their behavior...they simply learn to avoid getting spanked. Once spanking is no longer a threat, they do what they wanted to do in the first place.

Parents who spank aren't bad or wrong. They are just less likely to raise a child who won't disappoint them.