Reality Check Counseling

A 7 year old writes about and illustrates a sexual behavior. The client (parent) is worried about where he learned this and asks, "Should I talk to him about sex?"  If he isn't asking questions, I wouldn't offer any "answers." But, you are right...he has learned this somewhere. I'd want to find out where and stop that influence, immediately.

Here are some ways I often get children to open up, in therapy...1. Ask questions that can't be answered with "yes" or "no." 2. Avoid using the word "why" when you ask questions. It causes people to become defensive. Try saying, "I'm confused about ____. Can you help me understand?" 3. I'm sure you think he understands he's not "in trouble." But if you had to tell him that he isn't, he probably thinks he did something wrong. That is just how kids think.

Here's what I would do. Tell him you've been thinking about his story, because you are just so impressed by his ability to understand what it will be like to be older. Talk about it a little, ONLY focusing on what you like about the story and the things that impressed you about it. Let go of your fear about what it means, and look at it from the perspective of how you would feel if he were talking about an older boy doing things you actually approve of. Once he relaxes and begins talking openly about the story, ask him who gave him the idea. Say something like, "Writers and artists are always 'inspired' by something." Explain what inspired means by saying it is something that puts an idea for a story or a picture into the artist's mind. Then say, "Who (not what) inspired your story?" If you can do it in a calm manner where you are coming from a position of curiosity, not fear or concern, he'll open up.